How many parents have heard the three words, “It’s not fair,” come out of their child’s mouth? Well, the amount is staggering. The cause of this feeling from your child comes from many different reasons. One of the biggest reasons for this feeling is when a sibling is allowed to do something that the other is not. This might be because of an age difference, male versus female, or because one child participates in activities that allow him or her to do things that their sibling is not allowed to participate in for one reason or another. Parents find this to be a difficult challenge because their reasoning for things is not always understood by the children.

One of the biggest rivalry’s between children exists with the older and younger child. The older child can stay up later, stay out later, or watch shows that are a little more grown-up. The younger child does not understand why this is fair, and blames the older child for making their life more difficult. As a parent you need to hold your ground. The older child should be allowed to do things that older children do. If you take that away, you could make the older child feel like he or she is being penalized because the younger child is not getting his or her way. That truly is not fair. The best thing you can do for your younger child is explain to him or her that when they get older, they too will be allowed to do things like that. You can even make it a reward to do things with the older sibling if they can do whatever task that you have asked of them. It is still vitally important though, that the older child feels some level of independence away from the younger child, or you will find that you have the same problem occurring again, but in the reverse.

Having children close in age can mean a lot of things for parents. It is almost an assumption that at some point during the raising years, the sibling will be extremely close then out of no where they will be extremely confrontational with each other. Many ask why this is, and what they can do to curb the extreme sway of the relationship development. For many, there is nothing you can do, and you have to just ride out the wave of whatever season your children are experiencing.

For others, there are some things you can do. Some ideas include positive peer pressure, separation, and even camps. The positive peer pressure aspect is when you are basically using your child’s peers to form the behavior you want. For instance, if you discipline the whole group, but only one child is to blame, the group will mold the wrong-doer so that they do not have to pay the price. Separating the children can be a good process. This allows the children to begin to miss one another and this can create a new type of bonding, and cease some of the fighting. Camps are a great idea, and not just for children, but for parents as well. There are extreme camps located nationally that allow families to use to team work in order to complete tasks; like manipulating a teeter-totter made out of a telephone pole, or crossing high wires that are 100 feet in the air. Nothing says bonding like life threatening competition.

When children are close in age, they are highly competitive with each other. Both want to be the best in their parent’s eyes, more popular, or more successful. Many times, children find that being equal is not satisfying. It is when parents are active in making the children realize their own potential that children can see the gap in the equality, and they can focus on their own qualities.

Having a sit down discussion with your parents is almost discipline enough. You hear the “when I was your age…” speech, and the “if my father was here…” line. In reality, many parents have a great opportunity to really talk to their children and find out why they are doing or behaving in a certain way. It just has to be approached in the right way.

For many children, they do not want to hear that you had a hard life. At certain points in a child’s life, they are very self-centered. This is not a bad thing, just how their little minds work, and they are truly incapable of understanding what it is like for someone else. This is of course if there is exposure to some intense life changing event. Unless this happens, your stories of walking barefoot in the snow are going to go in one ear and out the other. Instead, try a different approach. Ask them what they are feeling, and how they see things, and why they act they way they do in certain situations. Use this information to arm yourself with plan of attack. When you know what makes your child tick, you are able to avoid certain issues or problems, before they even arise.

One example of this is when your child is embarrassed to give you a hug in public. If you can understand the “why” behind this behavior, you will be able to create a plan, so that you are able to get what you want, and your child can get what he or she wants. A healthy solution for this would be to give your child a hug before going out, then developing a system of hand signals, or gestures, that reaffirm to you and your child how you feel. For instance, a wink means “hi,” or crossing your arms means something else.