Sibling

Sibling Rivalry Because of Social Activities

Sibling rivalry happens often in homes with more than one child and can be due to a plethora of reasons but sometimes it is because each child has different social activities. Once child can be into sports and have a certain group of friends with the same interests while the other child is into academics, theater or music and their friends are different as well.

These differences can cause children to argue or not get along well because their interests are so different from each other and of course, their friends are from different dynamics. One child may feel that the other one doesn’t understand their interests or that they are not as important because of what they like to do. It is important as parents to show equal praise and understanding for both children so that the sibling rivalry can be lessened. If one child believes that the parents are more proud of their siblings because of awards won or titles held, it can cause more issues than normal. That is why you must make sure that both children feel the same amount of love.

This can happen as well in households where one child is into many different activities and the other child isn’t into much at all. The child that doesn’t care for sports or academic clubs may feel left out or not as important and this can cause resentment. Always let your children know that they are important no matter what their interests in life even if it is something you didn’t expect them to enjoy or would rather them find another hobby. Children will choose what they like to do and while this can be surprising to some parents, let them find their own way. Allowing them to choose can make it easier to get along with their siblings by feeling accepted.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Home, Parent, Sibling

Can you stop your children from fighting with each other?

All siblings fight, if its not about one thing its about another, especially in families that have more than 2 children, they will fight about stupid stuff and they will fight about some serious stuff. First of all you should let your kids know that fighting isnt the solution to the problem, it just makes it worse.

Start by having house rules about fighting and make sure that the kids follow these rules. Remind the children that life is too short to fight and be angrywith one another. Let each child know you know how they feel, tell them stories about you and your siblings if needed, which could also get them to calm down while your telling a story. Expressing your frustrations to them doesntmean you have to yell, if you need to take a minute before talking to each child, so that you will not yell or be angry.

Another way to geet them to stop fighting is to threaten to separate them if they continue to fight, more than likely they will stop because they would rather stay together them be separated. This will happen more if they share a room and they are fighting over each other possessions, in this case you may want to designate there own space so that will minimize the fighting between them.

Also you should give each child there own one on one time with you so that they don’t feel that they have to fight for there parents attention, you should also never compare them to each other or that there a like, they want to be different from each other not the same.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Parent, Sibling

Let the battle begin….

Sibling rivalry happens in every family, not matter how many there are of you. It happens because of birth order or if a parent spends more time with one child then they do another. Most children of the same family will have differences in there personality, that will also bring on the fighting between siblings, not all of us are alike.

All brothers and sisters will fight, there’s no getting around it but there are ways of making it better, just make sure that you set a time for each child, make each of them feel important in the own way. if one child likes movies and the other likes horseback riding those would be the activities that you do with each child, then one day do one activity all together as a family. Some families are lucky enough that none of there kids fight and there the best of friends, well thats not everyone’s family.

If you start early and teach the kids that there is not reason to fight, there probably going to still fight. Younger siblings feel that the old sibling gets more than they do, and vice versa, starting out with the older sibling while your pregnant with the baby. Make them feel important, which showing them pictures and telling them they will be a “Big” brother or sister, this will make them want to be the best they can be. There might be a good chance that you won’t even have to deal with sibling rivalry if you nip it in the bud early.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Sibling

4 Rewards Your Child Will Love

Child psychologists have long dismissed the notion of punishing children for sibling rivalry. Siblings often misbehave for attention, either a parent’s undivided attention or more of a parent’s attention than their siblings receive.

A positive reward system accompanied by a reinforcement of the rules is a preferred method. What better way to reward siblings for behaving, than to give them each your undivided time and attention.

Taking Time to Listen

In mild cases of sibling rivalry, sometimes all it takes is getting to the root of the problem. Talk to the kids about what sets off the arguing between them.

Role-playing the Sibling Rivalry

Any parent will tell you that children love to act, whether they admit to it or not. Clever parents can encourage their children to dress up, in their own childrens costumes or in their parents’ clothes to act out their frustrations. To make it more interesting, have them play each other’s role as well as taking a turn playing their own part.

Planning Time Together

Tell your children that if they can go through one day without fighting, you will participate in an activity of their choice that day, no matter how busy you may be. Take suggestions from both and work out a deal to do one or both, while you choose the day.

Planning a Day Together

If they continue the behavior for a few days or more, plan an entire day together, free from work and school. Promise to take them to an amusement park, to the movies and out to lunch, or any activity that is a particular favorite for your kids.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

Turning a Sibling Rivalry Into a Positive

A common feature of a family is the sibling rivalry. Whether it’s for the love of their parents or an evolutionary instinct to survive, brothers and sisters have a tendency to go out of their way to best each other. Unfortunately, that intense competitiveness can lead to frayed relationships–between siblings as well as parents–and worst of all, someone being physically injured. However, the drive to be the family favorite can actually be channeled in a positive way. Consider that the sibling rivalry between Peyton and Eli Manning has produced two Super Bowl championships, and a close family. When parents sanction an area for their children to compete against one another, it will make everyone in the family stronger.

Image courtesy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/richteabiscuit/876248679/lightbox/

A positive outlet for sibling rivalries is sports. Parents should introduce their children to sports not only as a fun, physical activity, but also as a means for releasing their competitive spirits. It is unlikely siblings will meet head-to-head on the playing field, because of age differences, so they will have to take out their frustrations on their non-related opponents. Sibling rivalries in sports also helps build a support network in a family as everyone attends games and learns to cheer for each other, no matter how much they would like to beat them.

Parents should also encourage their children to compete with their brains. Any parent would love to see their sons and daughters reach the top of the class. And when it means beating out their sibling, so will their children. Of course, parents must show support regardless of test scores.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent, Sibling

Sharing Yourself with Your Children

Parents have to divide their time between children once there is more than one child. Along with sharing parents, children have to learn to share tasks, choosing the movie, playing with the puppy, all of which can contribute to sibling rivalry. Rivalry between siblings is normal and expected, but how the parents deal with it will determine the course of the fighting. Planning ahead, by scheduling things like who picks what topping go on the pizza, will diffuse problems before they start and lead to a more balanced, less stressful home life even with multiple children.

One of the biggest mistakes parents can make when trying to deal with or diffuse sibling rivalry is to treat both children the same. They are not the same. They are each an individual with their own personality, likes, dislikes, needs, etc. As the parent it is your job to spend time with both (or all) your children as a family, but also individually. This means, however, that the individual time and activities will not be the same. If you take Danny to a baseball game, it is OK to take Mike to a movie if Mike doesn’t like sports. The idea is to spend time with the child, doing something enjoyable in a one-on-one situation. Celebrate the successes and triumphs of each child, without comparison. Be proud of Billy for getting an A on his science test, but don’t expect Emily to get an A also. Instead be proud when she is the goalie for her soccer team and nobody scores against her. Both children are deserving of praise for their accomplishments.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Parent, Sibling

Odd Man Out

While sibling rivalry exists any time there are more than one child in a family, it becomes worse when there are an odd number of children, and hits its peak in a household with three children. With three children it is easy for two to gang up on the other one, leaving them out of… whatever. Anything can be the excuse for this split, two older children trying to exclude a younger child, two girls excluding the one boy in the family, two children who like doing the same activity calling the other one weird because they don’t like it.

The list of reasons for division is endless and endlessly variable. What causes one child to be left out one day may seem totally unimportant the next day. Last week’s division can easily be left behind for this week’s realignment of relationships. The child who was left out of one thing may be the leader is causing another child to be left out of something else.

As parents, not only do we not want these divisions, we really can’t afford to allow them to continue. Allowing them is tantamount to saying that discrimination, for whatever reason, is not only acceptable, but is the way that things should be done. Children who are allowed to practice discrimination in the home, which is what they are doing by leaving one child out, will quickly adapt those lessons outside the home. Since they have learned that it is okay to discriminate a sibling, for whatever reason suits them at the moment, they will start to discriminate against others, with as little logical reason for doing so.

While there may be a few activities which one child should be excluded from, due to age, gender or ability, it should be the parent who makes those decisions, not the children. If two pre-teen children want to go to the mall, they probably shouldn’t bring their seven-year-old sibling with them. On the other hand, trying to keep that younger brother or sister out of their Monopoly game, just because they don’t think that child plays sophisticatedly enough just isn’t right.

Filed Under: Education, General Tagged With: Child, Family, Sibling

Making Sibling Rivalry Work for You

Sibling rivalry is here to stay; there’s no way you can eliminate it. That doesn’t mean you can’t control it, or channel it into healthy directions; you can’t make it just go away.

Sibling rivalry comes from the natural competitive nature that is in all of us. We are all competitive; you see it in the obvious places, like sports; but you also see it in the way we work and the way we spend money. Without this competitive nature, none of us would strive to get ahead, we’d all become like the sloth, just lazing around.

Rivalry and competitiveness, like any other character trait, has its positive side and its negative side. Usually, when we talk about sibling rivalry, we just talk about the negative side. You know, kids fighting with each other, blaming each other for doing things wrong and just plain being mean to each other. Okay, that’s the bad side, but what’s included in the good side?

The good side of sibling rivalry is the drive that it can give each child to do their best in their schoolwork, their chosen extra-curricular activities, and even in doing chores around the house. That natural competitive nature can be channeled into motivating each child to do the best they can in everything they do.

The key here is to properly reward each child for the effort they put forth, not necessarily for results. One child’s ability might make it easy for them to get straight “A”s in school, while another child may struggle to hold a C+ average. If you reward based upon how many As they get, you’ve just told that child who struggles that they aren’t worthwhile. But, if you set goals for improvement for each child, based upon their ability, then reward them for X number of points of improvement, you’ve rewarded their effort.

What happens then is that the comments between the children aren’t about “I’m smarter than you,” they become “I improved more than you.” That changes the “I’m better than you” into “I did better than you; a much healthier attitude.

Filed Under: Discipline, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Sibling

My Children Don’t Like Each Other

When children do not like it each other, it can be painful for parents. How do you create a cohesive loving family through this adversity? That is the main question that many parents ask. The answer is usually very tough; with a lot of love, encouragement, and structure. It is not healthy for siblings to not like each other, and as parents, it is important that we take every step necessary to create a bonding between our children. This is more true than ever as they age and will be dependent on each other for social, emotional, and loving support. It simply is not healthy for siblings to not like each other.

Parents can do a few things to try and reconcile this dislike between the children. For one, try to make them do things together. Many times children are allowed to be aloof, and that type of distance will only perpetuate the dislike between the siblings. By making them interact together they are forced to see each other differently, and while they may not express their opinions openly, they will begin to act differently towards one another. Some of the activities could be merely bonding, or with a successful plan in mind. For instance, having the children make a game together is bonding, having them do yard work together is mindful of an objective.

There are many stories of siblings that did not get along, so if this is happening in your family, you are not the first to experience it. Esau and Jacob were one such story where one brother was jealous of the other because the other brother was older, and thus was entitled to a birthright. Today there are more issues based on capabilities or age interference. Regardless of the problem, it is always best for parents to do what they can to be creative in helping their children bond.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

When Children Are Competing For Time With Mom

Children love being with their mothers, and spending time with them. They tend to want to have their independence as they get older, unless there is another little person, namely a sibling that is forcing this separation between mother and child. This can create an intense friction between siblings. The most common occurrence is when a new baby is brought into the home and the older child has a hard time with the transition. This can create a jealousy with the older child towards the new baby. This also creates a situation for mom, in that now she is finding herself extremely torn between the two children. So how do parents work on this tension? Allow the older child to participate in the activities of the new baby. This will give the child a sense of responsibility and a sense of ownership in the family.

One way to allow your older child to feel like a participant in the growing family is to be allowed to interact with the new baby. You can even, depending on age, have your older child help feed and change the new baby. After a while your child may not want to help anymore, but that will be their own decision. Ask questions on what the baby should wear, or what types of outings you should have. This will really help to curb the jealousy that could be brewing under the surface. This will also reaffirm to your older child that you love him or her, and that they are important. When a child feels that their mother approves of them, and that they are valuable to her, then they do not feel that overwhelming need to compete for her attention. This means less stress for mom, and a happier household all around for everyone involved.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

Sibling Rivalry Because of Social Activities

Can you stop your children from fighting with each other?

Let the battle begin….

4 Rewards Your Child Will Love

Turning a Sibling Rivalry Into a Positive

Sharing Yourself with Your Children

Odd Man Out

Making Sibling Rivalry Work for You

My Children Don’t Like Each Other

When Children Are Competing For Time With Mom

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