Sibling

I Wish I Was Like Her

For many siblings, there is an underlying jealousy that many parents do not even see. This comes in the form of shyness, pulling away from the family, and even vengeful actions towards the sibling or siblings that are the target of the jealous behavior. There are things that parents can do, but one of the most important is first noticing what is happening, and taking a realistic view from the child’s perspective.

The main problem with this behavior is that the child that is exhibiting the jealousy is doing so to other child for things that many times, the other child cannot control. For instance, it may be stemming from appearance, or academic achievement, it could also be from sports success. These are things that are very hard for a parent to witness, and can be difficult to control. There was a story of two sisters, one was small beautiful, and very well liked at school. The other sister was bigger, had frizzy hair, struggled in school, and was made fun of. The parents tried their best to show that each child was, in their own, a work of art. The sister that felt awkward decided to try out for the swim team, and found that she was really good at it. If she had been small like the other sister, she would not have been such a powerful swimmer, and later would attend college on a scholarship for swimming. The other sister never had success like that. It took the parents and the children work to finding out how to prove to each child how valuable they were. Not all stories have this fairy tale ending, but many can.

If your children are showing signs of significant sibling rivalry, do your best to show them how important each is to you. This will go a long way to help with the frustration, and later allow the siblings to be closer.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

When One Child Obeys…

You have two children in your home. One child seems to do everything that is asked, has a good attitude, and is pleasant to be around. The other child has a tough time maintaining a good and positive disposition, does not get along well with their sibling, and seems to be constantly competing against others in the family for attention. This is hard for parents, because one child is going to feel like they always get in trouble, and that their sibling never gets in trouble. This is where much of the sibling rivalry stems from, and no matter what you as

Filed Under: Discipline, Expert Advice Tagged With: Child, Sibling

Sibling Discipline

When siblings fight, it is very difficult to get the children’s attention, and to get them to stop. Parents tend to yell, and many times, the parents attempt at stopping the commotion between the children, actually encourages it. For many parents, they use yelling to try and get their children’s attention. So in essence, a parent uses yelling to get the children to stop yelling, or fighting. It has a low success rate.

Instead, try doing something that the sibling least expect. Something that is productive in stopping fight, and encouraging positive relationship building. One good technique is to have each sibling do something for the other, and they must continue to do so, until the fighting stops. Cleaning each others room, switching chores, or preparing a meal for the other. This is a good way for the sibling to realize what the other sibling is seeing, feeling, and experiencing apart from their brother or sister.

The other option is to have a team project with the children. They must work together in order to complete task. You tell them that there will be no parental interference, and that both children must succeed at the task before they are allowed to do their own things or hobbies. A great team project would be completing the yard together, or re-arranging a room, cleaning the garage, or even washing cars. These are things that take little skill, but teach a lot about team work. This will also teach them that if there is fighting, housework is to follow, so they will not want to let you see the arguing.

One last effort that you can do with your children is to have them write a full page about all of the good things that their sibling can offer to the family. Then at dinner, they must share. This is a great way of having the children readjust their attitude towards one another.

Filed Under: Discipline, Expert Advice, Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

Sibling Competition

Many siblings are competitive in nature. This does not stem from a DNA association, rather it is a psychological ordeal that children go through, especially when they are of the same sex, or close in age.The problem lies in that they are vieing for attentionand accolades, but at the same time, do not have the maturity to disseminate the drive for autonomy. This is because as children mature, their level of thinking changes, and in doing so, they begin to realize things and see things in a new light. However, they may not be able to articulate what exactly it is that they are feeling, and why. This creates a constant level of frustration. So, you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with siblings competing with each other? Well, in one word, everything.

When a child begins to move beyond the self-centered toddler stage, he or she gains a sense of self awareness. This awareness is what drives a child to strive for approval through their own efforts. The competition comes into play when there is a sibling that is doing the same thing. If a child feels threatened with losing parental approval or acceptance, or feels that they will not be the center of their parents world due to sibling interference, then that drives competition. The competition can manifest itself through fighting, bullying, or through a lack of not sharing. In extreme cases, it can lead to a strong dissension from the parents because one child is feeling like a failure, or is blaming the parents for their frustration because they had another child.

The best thing a parent can do if any of the above situations are occurring is to remind each child separately about how important they are. While children can be aware of certain aspects of their world, they will fail to realize that everyone has something positive to contribute.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Parent, Sibling

Jealousy With Siblings

It is normal for there to be issues between siblings. It is the normal progression of any animal to find some type of strife within its pack. Families are much like a pack of lions, the father is the protector, the mother nurtures and feeds her children, and the children fight. Sometimes this fighting is in play, and sometimes it is not, either way, there are not too many differences from the little animals in your home versus the little animals in the wild.

In all seriousness, though, it is common for sibling to envy one another, or to be jealous. This is often the case when there is a new baby in the house. If there is a child in the home that is used to being the baby, they can often feel replaced, if not worse, completely rejected. This is when a parent needs to pay immediate attention to the child that is feeling the effect of the new sibling in the home. If not, there could be resentment on behalf of the older child, and depending on his or her age, acting out will soon follow.

There are many things that you can do to help with this situation. For starters, before the new baby is born, include the older sibling or siblings. This will give them a sense of ownership and inclusion, and will remedy the feeling of being replaced. Second, talk to the other child or children about how wonderful they are going to be as older brother or sisters. This will allow them to feel a sense of responsibility regarding the newest member of the family. This is also a good way to bring the other children together into a cohesive group, because now they will have a common task, an objective, or a goal.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Parent, Sibling

Sharing Amongst Siblings

Siblings do not like to share, it is common knowledge, and many parents accept that. In fact, there have been sibling rivalries for hundreds, if not thousands, of years, because one sibling had something that the other wanted. Do Esau and Jacob ring a bell? However, there are things that parents can do today, to help curb some of the contention between siblings. The most common answer is to just buy each child the same thing, and viola! no more problems, but that is not the answer. In fact, that will have an adverse affect where a child will simply expect that he or she is going to get something because their sibling did. So how do parents tackle this age old problem?

The first thing to consider is the motive behind the problem, and why that motive exists. For instance, is a child upset over a toy, because he just feels like playing with it? Did it get taken away? Is it a toy that is used as a reward? These questions are very important because you can identify a selfish need, or a protective reaction. Some children are not fighting over a toy because they want it, some children feel that the other did not deserve to play with it, and therefore should give it to him or her or safe keeping.

The best way to handle this situation is to step in, and create some ground rules. For those that are exhibiting selfish motives, the plan could be simple. You simply tell them, that they must share something of theirs before the other is required to do so. This tells the child that a sacrifice is in order. With the other type of child, lovingly remind them that you are the parent and that they can have fun and not worry about their siblings. This will relax the child, and hopefully alleviate the need to be protective.

Filed Under: General Tagged With: Child, Parent, Sibling

Sibling Rivalry

Many parents experience sibling rivalry with their multi-children household and it’s a common occurence. There are many reasons why children fight and many causes for sibling rivalry.

Children have different personalities, evolving needs and sometimes this can lead to jealousy, as well as a feeling of competition with their sibling. This is normal as long as the fighting isn’t constant or leads to serious injury. In fact, most children fight with each other and it’s perfectly normal behavior at some point in their lives. This doesn’t mean that they hate each other and is a part of growing up. However, it can be frustrating for you as a parent.

One of the ways to curb this type of sibling rivalry is to find out the cause. It can be as simple as a toy that someone took from the other or can be as complicated as one child thinking that the other child is the favorite. The important thing for parents to do is find out why there is continued fighting and see what can be discussed in order to have less of it.

Keep in mind that since your children are individuals that every child will have different reasons for fighting. One child can feel jealous and the other child can feel superior in some cases. The thing of upmost importance is to know that this is normal behavior amongst siblings and while you can alleviate some of the fighting, fights will happen from time to time.

Figure out the best case scenario for your home. Do you want to send them both to time out or do you want to separate them? Each scenario has to be what is best for your well being as well as your household. Once you decide what feels best for you, you can then focus on keeping your home more free of fighting.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Family, Parent, Sibling

Causes of Sibling Rivalry

Every parent with more than one child can go through sibling rivalry at some point in their lives. The important thing is how to handle it so that every child feels loved and no one feels left out or less important than the other. There can be many causes for sibling rivalry and here are a few of the most prevalent ones.

Age differences. Age differences can cause sibling rivalry because a younger child may feel that the older child gets to do more and the older child may feel that the younger child is treated more special. This also comes into play when children get older since younger children may get along just fine but as they get older the older sibling may want more privacy or feel like they are too old to play with a kid.

Sex differences. Some children will have an issue with feeling like the boys get to do more or the girl is treated more gently or more special. A girl may want to go fishing with the guys and feel left out and a boy can feel that the girl gets special treatment from the father.

No matter what the reason, sibling rivalry exists in many cases and it can be just as important to find out why as to try and treat the issue. Try to listen to your children and see what is causing the fights. There is always an underlying issue such as jealousy or feeling left out. Once you find out the issue then you can address the problem better than simply discplining the children without knowing the true cause.

While sibling rivalry is a normal part of homes with more than one child, once you get to the root of the problem you can start on having a much happier household with less fighting.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent, Sibling

Bullying in Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of any household with more than one child but what about when one child seems to bully the other? This can be a more difficult situation because now instead of normal sibling rivalry, you now have a child that is being bullied and picked on and while fighting is normal, bullying is not.

First you have to address the problem and make sure that bullying is an issue. Is one child older or stronger than the other one? Does one child cause hard or mental anguish to the other? Decide if the fighting is normal or if one child seems to have the upper hand constantly and is always instigating the fights.

If this is indeed happening, you now need to find out why your child is being bullied or doing the bullying. Perhaps there are jealousy issues. If so, you need to get to the bottom of it. It can be helpful to talk to each child separately to see if one will “come clean” with what is going on. Once you have tried that, it can be helpful to address the “bully” in the household and discuss with them the right way to argue and the problems with hitting another person or making them feel bad. Although we may think that they should know right from wrong they may not realize how serious their actions are and it is important to address this with them.

Make a point of letting them know that severe punishment will follow any type of bullying. This can be taking away something they truly care about or not letting them go on a trip they have been looking forward to. As a parent, you have to make the decision on how you discipline but be sure to let them know that there are consequences in their actions; just do it with love and understanding.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Bullying, Child, Sibling

Handling Sibling Aggression

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of having a home with more than one child and everyone goes through it at some point or another but how do you handle sibling aggression where things seem more out of control?

The first thing to address is if the sibling rivalry is normal behavior that most kids experience or if it is more harmful and becoming a real disruption in your home. Normal behavior can sometimes turn into fights and aggression but if it is on a continuing basis then you need to address the problem and find out how to curb some of this behavior into a more acceptable way of living.

Talk to your children and find out why they are fighting. This can sound more simple than it is sometimes but if you truly listen you may find out the base of the problem. This can range from jealousy to power struggles and more.

One you determine why your children are fighting then you need to set some ground rules on what is acceptable behavior and what will not be tolerated. Stress that hitting and name calling will not be acceptable behavior in your home and there will be consequences. Not every child responds to threats so some may need a different approach such as a thorough talk and showing them that you care about their feelings and issues with their sibling. Keep in mind that fighting is usually a two way street so don’t automatically single out the older or stronger sibling and assume it’s all their fault. That isn’t necessarily true in all cases.

Always remember to have good communication and set time aside to listen to both sides of the story and see if you can work things out with positive reinforcement but let them know that you are still the boss.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: Child, Family, Parent, Sibling